Published 08.18.08 in Metro
Sleep tight, Britain!
Somehow, this isn’t surprising. A recent survey
conducted by Travelodge asked 3,500 Brits what famous people have been
popping up in their nightmares lately. At the top of the list? Your
friend and ours, Amy Winehouse!
Even in these troublesome times, with wars raging, the worldwide economy in peril and the looming threat of television that doesn’t feature constant coverage of Michael Phelps, Dame Crackypants is still what troubles the good people of England the most. To help stave off these nightly terrors, doctors are recommending a glass of warm milk and a listen to the latest Jonas Brothers single.
Winehouse, we’re sure, was thrilled to be recognized for her important contribution to the subconscious troubles of Great Britain, but she was too busy sleeping it off after proving once again why she deserves this title: While leaving a pub in North London Thursday night, Winehouse flipped out on a passerby, smacking the young woman and screaming obscenities at her. Tuckered out from a full day, she curled up under the nearest dumpster to get some rest.
So, sweet dreams, Amy. We can only assume you have nightmares about you, too. Or hair salons.
What’s most perplexing, though, is the rest of the list. Prime Minister Gordon Brown scored a respectable third place, while Tony Blair’s legacy remains intact thanks to his wife, Cherie, coming in at No. 7. Heather Mills hobbled in at nine. But the runner-up? The celebrity that causes England to wake up in a cold sweat almost as much as Amy Winehouse? Marylin Manson.
Seriously, England? Marylin Manson? Sheesh. We haven’t thought about him in years. We should stop by that Cinnabon he’s working at and let him know the good news.
Everyone has an opinion on the Internet
It looks like Rosie O’Donnell isn’t the only former comedian to harness the power of the Internet for questionably punctuated manifestos. Roseanne Barr took to her Web site over the weekend to unload on just about everyone. She takes on Jon Voight’s recent anti-Obama op-ed, calling Voight a “frightened little girl in a pink ballet tutu” and then puts the whole John Edwards scandal into perspective: “John Edwards is an a—hole, but Bush stole all of our money and killed innocent babies and children and women with it.”
All well and good, sure, but when she went after Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, calling them “vacuous” and their children “dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the Earth even more,” well, we had to draw the line. Leave Brangelina alone!