Published 10.20.08 in Metro
I wanna hold your head
Trouble’s afoot for one very forgetful auctioneer in London. Joby Carters was transporting the head of a wax sculpture of Paul McCartney — and left it on a train. The piece was due to be auctioned off next weekend, but those plans naturally are in jeopardy.
“It was totally out of character for me to leave something behind. It’s an absolute nightmare,” said Carters, who is offering a £2,000 reward. That’s, like, $8 million at the current exchange rate.
Carters went on to say: “It is so unprofessional and the owner is not best pleased. I’ve just got to find out where it has gone. I just hope it hasn’t gone on a magical mystery tour!”
“It was totally out of character for me to leave something behind. It’s an absolute nightmare,” said Carters, who is offering a £2,000 reward. That’s, like, $8 million at the current exchange rate.
Carters went on to say: “It is so unprofessional and the owner is not best pleased. I’ve just got to find out where it has gone. I just hope it hasn’t gone on a magical mystery tour!”
Hey, buddy. Whoa. This is no time for jokes or Beatles song title puns. Well, at least it’s no time for you to make jokes or Beatles song title puns. For us, it’s our civic duty.
So, readers, if you find yourself in London, keep your eyes peeled for Paul McCartney’s head. But if you see the real Paul McCartney, please do not attempt to remove his head. There’s no reward for that. That we know of.
Free to be anything buy these
Seal, the soul singer and Heidi Klum baby-maker, knows those babies are never gonna survive unless they get a little crazy. But even his liberal parenting has its limits.
“I’d encourage my kids to do anything in life,” he told London’s the Mirror. “As long as they don’t aspire to become serial killers, porn stars or join the military, then we’re good.”
Damn, Seal. Why you gotta go and be so stifling? Your kids aren’t even old enough for kindergarten and you’re already limiting their career choices. What’s next? They can’t date models, only supermodels?
News you can use: Tom Cruise not dead
We can’t really put it much plainer than that. Tom Cruise, star of “Top Gun,” “Mission:Impossible” and “a Marriage to Katie Holmes,” is not dead.
Reports started flying around the Internets last week that Tom had fallen 60 feet off the Kauri Cliffs in New Zealand to his tiny demise while shooting a film. Only, as his reps pointed out, he’s not in New Zealand, and he’s not shooting a film, so… Well, here’s the official statement: “This is completely not true. Tom is not in New Zealand nor has he been there recently. This is erroneous and unreliable Internet garbage.”
Man, imagine how often you’d have to use the sentence “This is erroneous and unreliable Internet garbage” if you were Tom Cruise’s representative? It’s probably an automatic response at this point.